4th l o s t s o u l ~ [Voice]

[mmmfilletofsoul]

[The end of the event wasn't so much a relief for Cheyenne as it was the single most confusing thing to ever happen to her. Never mind that she had been so much younger. Never mind that for two weeks, the hunger was gone. Never mind that she saw colors and shapes and people and her friends and herself in the same way others have always seen. The main thing on her mind was how she had acted.]

[So many of her previous actions just... didn't make sense. Considering a child acts mostly based on their emotions, this shouldn't have been a surprise. Even though she had those emotions, and she can somewhat remember how they felt, she still doesn't know what they mean. Why was she in pain when she wasn't physically hurt? Why was she laughing? Why did seeing others smile make her feel so happy?]

[Eventually, she just gives up trying to make sense of it. Her emotions right now were hard enough without trying to sort out those of a child!]

My apologies for not addressing this sooner, but I would like to extend my graditude to those who took care of me when I was not myself during the last experiment.

I suppose these experiments are the sort of things one must become accustomed to while living in this village. This was the first one to have affected me in such a manner. However, if a similar extreme change should happen again, I do not believe I would mind. It was rather interesting, after all, being able to see the village through new eyes.

[A pause.]

Although, perhaps for the sake of those who were far less fortunate, it would be best to hope that such an experiment does not make a reappearance.

Comments

[ voice ]

[illusional]

It was, yes. I meant that statement to be quite literal, as my usual method of vision was replaced with the same sort most humans are accustomed to. Although I cannot say I can recall everything with completely clarity, I find that I am now able to put a face to quite a few of the souls I see around the village.

[ voice ]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

Amazing . . . How was it, based on what you can recall? I take it this is about the first time you've been able to see around you on this sort of physical level.

[Voice]

[illusional]

Hm... I find it a bit difficult to describe, namely due to the fact that my vision was not all that had changed. Everything about myself was quite different. To put it simply, I was no longer an illusionist, and didn't seem to recall ever being one.

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

. . . Meaning, you were more like us, and your memories were morphed to suit that change. I believe I understand where you're coming from. It didn't seem to be a very uncommon alteration.

It's odd how one can be so different while remaining as oneself.

[Voice]

[illusional]

...I would not go so far to say that they were morphed, as I believe the memories I had were ones I used to possess. The form I had taken was one I have once had.

I was not born an illusionist, after all.

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

Ah, so . . . you regressed, in a word.

I had no clue. I'd assumed you were always what you are, the idea of becoming it hadn't occurred to me.

[Voice]

[illusional]

That is one way of describing it.

And I wouldn't expect anyone here to know, seeing as illusionists seem to be unique to the world in which I was created.

However, given that illusionists are entirely female and my kind ages at rather unsteady rate, reproduction would be quite impossible.

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

That's an odd way to describe your birth.

Are there no mixed bloods to speak of? Regardless of the aging rate and whether reproduction is an option or not, surely your kind isn't against forming close relationships.

[Voice]

[illusional]

As a matter of fact, they are incapable of it.

Were I entirely like my sisters, we would not be having this conversation. For unlike them, I am capable of controlling my urge to feed. My kind did not receive the reputation of a monster out of superstition alone.

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

Monster . . . They're only following their instincts. [ But is that an excuse for feeding -- feeding on souls without control? And isn't uncontrollable behavior one primary trait of a "monster"? ]

I'm sorry, Cheyenne. I must sound so ignorant of your kind.

[Voice]

[illusional]

There is no reason to apologize, Alf. All anyone knows of illusionists is what I tell them. Perhaps I am at fault for not taking the time to better explain what it is I am, especially to one who has so graciously offered their own soul to me.

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

It is my pleasure to help you in any way I am able, and it was indeed I who offered. The fault most certainly doesn't lie with you! You've already explained more than I could ask for.

[Voice]

[illusional]

Your words are most kind, Alf.

Still, if there is ever anything else you would like to know, I have no problem with explaining to the best of my ability.

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

You've told me enough for today. I don't want to bother you with too many questions; however, in deference to your offer, I'll let you know when I'm curious. Thank you.

[Voice]

[illusional]

Of course.

[A pause.]

Actually, if you do not mind, might I ask you a question, Alf?

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

[ Hm? ]

Ah, yes, of course. What is it . . . ?

[Voice]

[illusional]

I was merely wondering how you faired during the recent experiment. Nothing too unpleasant, I would hope?

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

N-no, nothing unpleasant, fortunately. [ How to say this, ] I remembered a different life, and I was mostly content during that time.

[Voice]

[illusional]

A different life? [She tilts her head.] You mean to say you believed you were someone else?

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

Something like that. I was still myself, but my memories were . . . different.

[Voice]

[illusional]

Hm. How very strange. I find it rather difficult to comprehend the power these Malnosso scientists must possess, to be capable of doing such things.

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

The Malnosso have very strange powers, indeed. They're capable of changing us more than we ourselves can ever hope to. Rather unsettling, no?

[Voice]

[illusional]

A bit unsettling, yes. Before now, I had no idea the power to do such a thing even existed.

[Voice]

[hakoiri.livejournal.com]

They probably have powers to do more than we can even fathom. It'll be a learning experience as each experiment comes and goes, as odd as our circumstances are.